Normalizing Failures
Hello, 2020! Happy New Year!
I know it is too late to celebrate New Year and make new resolutions. However, it takes times for me to reflect on what happened last year and to finally realize what I really want to do in this year. I saw a lot of people posting on social media and glorifying their 2019 as an amazing year. Unfortunately, I couldn’t relate on that things since I personally felt that my year is not as amazing as they have. There are a lot of failures happened in 2019 which put me in vulnerable position.
2019 is a tough year for me. I lost my self-worth because I felt that I didn’t achieve anything; I didn’t join any competition or contribute in any event like what I used to do in previous year. I know this sounds so annoying because people can live normally without awards, but I used to find my self-worth on something like that. I think in this case, what I need to change is my point of view. I should not define my self-worth on certificates, awards, or trophies. It should be broader than that because life is not only about competition. For example, when I volunteered in my home town to teach underprivileged children, I knew a person who only graduated from junior high school, but he voluntarily teaches the children every day. Reflecting on his condition, I think I need to be grateful with the privilege that I have right now such as being able to pursue higher education, because there are a lot people out there who cannot obtain this opportunity.
Asides from that, there was also an event in 2019 which put me in misery. I was in an extreme sadness because of this event; I lost my appetite, I didn’t eat well for several days, I cried my eyes out, I bit my own hand because I couldn’t help why this happened to me. No matter how much I thought positively about my problem, the negative thought always dominated my mind; hence, I cannot control myself. Perhaps until today, I still cannot deal with this issue completely, but fortunately my condition is not as worse as I experienced previously.
At first, I hesitated to share my failures publicly like this. I used to have a commitment with myself that I will only use social media to share positivism. However, I changed my decision because I was inspired by a movement called “Perempuan Gagal” that is initiated by Ayu Kartika Dewi. This movement aims to normalize failure which happens to women. Due to the rise of social media which tends to expose more positivism, failure and sadness become something that is hidden from people’s lives. As a result, when we fail on something, we feel lonely because we think that we’re the only person in this world who experiences that failure. In fact, failure is something that is normal and it happens to a lot of people. Failure is part of the process in our lives which can make us to be a stronger and a better person than before. It is like an exam; if we can pass it, we can move to a higher level in our lives.
So, what did this failure teach me about?
First, I learn that it’s okay not to be okay. I know this is so cliche, but it’s true. When we fail on something, we just need to be genuine to ourselves and be vulnerable. It’s okay to cry, just bear with it. However, we also need to understand that this sadness is not going to last forever. This is only the part of our lives that we need to go through and one day everything is going to be alright.
Second, my vulnerability makes me realize that I cannot live alone in this world. I rarely communicate and socialize with people before. But when I felt alone, I realized that I cannot do this alone. I need to be listened and I need someone who can support me to bear this entire problem. That’s why, this moment made me feel more connected with my friends. I should not take their presences for granted. I also need to be there when they need me because somehow they might also experience failure in their lives and need my support. So, stay connected with people!
Then, how to overcome this sadness?
I think everyone has different approach to overcome their sadness. I’m personally more comfortable to accept my failure rather than denying it. Writing this is also one of the ways for me to overcome my sadness. There are also other things that you can do such as reading a book, socializing with people, walking around, having some meditation and exercise, etc.
if you feel that you’re currently facing the hard times, it’s okay to be vulnerable for a while. We all have been experienced failures too, although it might fall in different spectrum. I’m sure everything is going to be alright and this too shall pass.
